I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
