Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
