i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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