I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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