dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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