Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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