So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize