I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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