You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
