I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
