also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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