He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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