By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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