Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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