there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
