My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
