Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
