I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
