ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
