He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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