Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
