and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
