didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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