I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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