She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
thus making me awesome and them whores
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Is her dick bigger than yours?
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