If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
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we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
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Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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