Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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