I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
