Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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