the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
NoShamevember. You game?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
