my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
And then he peed in my hair
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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