This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
