Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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