they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
