i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
