I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
