I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
