you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
