Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i drank out of a bidet.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
