sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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