The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
