I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
