umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just want nice things and good sex
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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