i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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