dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
