After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
