every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
