he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
