we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
