I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Everclear isn't food dammit
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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