Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
