"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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