I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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