This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
