Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
