we're blogging at a bar
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
