just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
