I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
