Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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