Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize