hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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