So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My cat gives me a boner
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
