It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Randomize
