Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
