You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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