My room smells like vodka and shame
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
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were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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