He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
