The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
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I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
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I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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