Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
