I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
