he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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