the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It was confusing and full of hummus
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize