My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
