I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
