take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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