Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
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There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
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Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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