how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
