just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
