I just pynch a tree in the face
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
