hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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