i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
