I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
