im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
