How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
