I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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